i’m too creative today… maybe i have too much time. finished my letter to Suren, which contained 10 pages. i also sent him my story called “this will be forgotten too.” i’m sure he won’t like it. guys don’t like that story.
i also made a little drawing. i hadn’t drawn anything for ages. then i shared with my diary. had a lot of things to tell. poor diary! it really missed me! i hadn’t written anything except from some short paragraphes for quite a long time. hm, it’s maybe because i share my thoughts here in my LJ.
and also i’m going to write a composition in russian. still haven’t learned that language. well, it’s my last chance. anyway, i’m gonna write it in armenian and then translate into russian. it’s easier…..


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april 18

so here i am again, my fav place, near the statue of M. Saryan. i didn’t wait til summer, til the end of my summer exams when there’s nothing to worry about. i came here with a heavy biochemistry test and tomorrow’s lesson of pathanatomy. i came because spring was calling me, the sun was calling me. i came when it was evening already and there were many people around. i sat down on my old bench in my old way and as a habbit i took a pen and a paper from my bag. hm, the paper was just the book of my biochemistry practic classes. if the teacher would have look at this, how many unfinished stories she’ll find instead of this book’s real aim. yes, unfinished cuz they were written during lectures or in p.e. hall and not here, under these dear trees. unfinished cuz they were written because of being bored and not because they had to be written, cuz there was no topic to write about. oh, those stories that were written last winter… how different they would be if they were written in summer in this sad (cuz only old people come here) and happy (cuz i feel well here)park.
i count the days and… the months. til july… 2 months and 12 days. they’ll fly so fast and i’ll come here again with my notebook and pen. and i’ll write with a new strength, with a new inspiration. cuz the different between this and last summer is going to be huge. too many changes in my life…

joan baez – a hard rain’s a gonna fall

it was amazing. it was the night i had cut my hair and had a strong quarrel with my mum. and when i was the only one left awake in the house but i was going to bed as well, i turned on joan baez. then i turned off the light and went to bed. i stopped for a moment, i sat on my bed. joan was singing sweet sir galahad. the silence everywhere else, the night sky, joan’s voice and the sound of the guitar… how wonderful it was! no, i can’t explain with words what i felt at that moment. i wanted to repeat it last night as well. it didn’t work cuz somewhere in the corner of the yard the neighbours were whispering…

i went to the hair-dresser’s for the first time in my life. the hair-dresser asked me what hair-cut i had before going there. she could never imagine that my hair was so long last night and that it’s short cuz i took the scissors and cut it. she asked me if i was there for the first time. she could never imagine that i was at the hair-dresser’s for the first time in my life. and she was surprised when i said “no” to every so-called hair decorations she wanted to make. and she was surprised that all i wanted from her was making the lengh of my hair equal and drying my hair as it was…

a guy from our drama club asked me yesterday, “aren’t you in love with someone right now?”
it was a weird question for me. well, my answer was no.
…but he continued, “aren’t you in love with someone always?”
“yeah, hm, but that was long ago.”
“you said so a year ago!”
“yeah, but i haven’t been in love since last year.”
and it made me think again. how long haven’t i loved anyone? when did i stop loving him? did i really STOP? thinkin of him again. do i need him really? oh, i can’t live without loving someone. since there’s noone to be in love with, i have to……………………… oh, dunno what to do……..

it’s so late at night but i don’t care. it’s gonna be a hard day tomorrow but i still don’t care. have to wake up early in the morning but instead of having a good sleep i’m chatting with annie.
listening to alanis. haven’t done it for ages! and i enjoy her music again. and i enjoy all that she has given me. it’s like meeting someone whom i love much and haven’t seen for a while. and once more i have to say that she has changed my life. and once more i have to say that i wouldn’t be who i am if without her. not only that… she leaded me to a wonderful place called AU where i found some comfort and i met some wonderful people.
so here she sings again and brings back everything i experienced during the last 8 years from returning from prague til today. she was there when i was lonely. she was there when i was crying. she was there when i was happy. she was there when i was depressed. she was there even when i wanted to commit a suicide and i didn’t cuz she was there. she was there when i didn’t know what to do and i found the best solution cuz she was there. she was there when i had sleeplessness and i slept cuz she was there. she was there when i hated him and i began to love him again cuz she was there. she was there when i was tired. she’s in my room every morning i wake up. no matter if i look at her or not. she’s there. no matter if i remember her or not. she never leaves me. and so i’m listening to her right now.

i’m proud of the family i have. i love the way my family members think. and i love that my family is so much different from others in armenia. and i love when we gather around one table which happens few times a year (at new year, Christmas, Easter, my bdays, my bro’s and my cousin’s bdays). and i love the stupid and funny poem we recite and then laugh. i love the jokes we make. i love the way the adults think (my dad, aunt and uncle and sometimes even my grandma). hehe, my three elder cousins are adults too (i’m ashamed to tell that i’m over 18 as well and i don’t consider myself an adult at all) but we’re still considered as my grandma’s grandchildren.
i’m happy i’m in this family and not in another.


Ոչ վե՛րջ կա, ոչ ըսկի՛զբ այս երգում



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