i don’t know. i wanted to write the date and the time and leave blank to show that i felt something but couldn’t describe it with words.
i watch myself and think of the people and objects all around. i don’t know why this question appeared, “for what?” i analyze my relationships with different people and i feel emptiness. i run here and there but i can’t understand why. noisy parties seem to be funny and the phone calls are boring. the internet isn’t what it was before. i can read only for some minutes and leave even the most interesting book. i’m too lazy to solve japanese puzzles (i loved them before). i don’t want to talk about my studies. now i’m sure that i’ll never become a doctor. and the worst thing is that i don’t understand what i want. i want to become a psychologist but i need one for myself.
i want to stop my relationships with most of my old friends. oh, no, they haven’t done anything bad to me. i think that there’s nothing more to share.
i want honest, pure and clean relationships with people. is in possible in this century? i’ve just realized that it’s what i’m looking for. i wish i could be fully honest with someone and gain the same from him/her. i dream but i forget that it’s impossible even if the person in front of you is someone like one of my teachers in uni (i’m not gonna specify who). cuz i had a lot to tell her 2 days ago that i kept inside myself.

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