i didn’t want to wake up in the morning. “i don’t want classes… i want to sleep…. wait, today is sunday and it’s my birthday!” then i opened my eyes and smiled. it doesn’t happen often that i open my eyes and smile. i looked at the clock. it was 8:54am. “i’ll be born in 26 minutes.” then i slept again. i woke up at the sound of my pager. “shit, i had forgotten to sitch off the alarm!” no, it wasn’t the alarm. it was a message from Anna: “Happy Birthday honey!” i smiled and then closed my eyes again. my pager woke me up once more. that message was from Tatevik. i smiled again and realized that i couldn’t sleep anymore. i decided to call Anna and say thanks. yeah, i did. how much we luaghed!!!! it was an amazing start.
…then i turned on the comp. i checked my mail and then visited AU. there was a happy birthday thread for me made by Paul!!!! i was sooooooo surprised and soooooooo happy!!!!!!
it’s going to be one of the happiest days in my life. i know it!!!!!

omg, it’s sooooooo weird….
while i was cutting cucumbers today, i was thinking about my past birthdays. last year, oct. 22nd… it was almost the same. i cried a lot. it was someone else who hurt me. i cried hard. i cried millions of tears. the main difference is that my friends were with me then. they couldn’t understand why i cried. i saw another spoilt birthday in front of me. i wasn’t mistaken. i cried again after 2 days. i cried on my birthday.
and again. oct 22nd, 2 days before my birthday. i cried a lot and i had noone with me. i saw another spoilt birthday. no way!!! i’m gonna have a lot of fun tomorrow!!!!!!! noone can spoil it!!!!!!!

Շնորհակալ եմ ծննդյանս օրը փչացնելու համար

Ինչպես ամեն տարի, այս անգամ էլ էի ուզում, որ սա կյանքիս լավագույն ծննդյան օրը լինի…
Պատրաստվում էի մեր տանը խմբիս հետ քեֆ անել: Անհամբերությամբ սպասում էի դրան: Բայց երեկ… Նրանք պարզապես ասացին, որ չեն գալու: Պատճառը մի փոքրիկ վեճ էր, որը նրանք շատ լուրջ էին ընդունել: Որոշ ժամանակ անց ես ձևացրի, թե ոչինչ չի պատահել: Չստացվեց: Կանչեցին Մարիային և խոսեցին նրա հետ: Հետո ինձ կանչեցին և ասացին, որ չեն գալու: Կարծում էի՝ կատակ է, և ուզում էին անակնկալ մատուցել: Ոչ, սխալվում էի: Նրանք լուրջ էին ասում: Չգալու պատճառը հարցրի, իսկ նրանք պատասխանեցին. «Որովհետև չես ուզում, որ գանք»: Փոքրիկ վեճ հետևեց: Հետո ասացի. «Շնորհակալ եմ ծննդյանս օրը փչացնելու համար»: Եվ սկսեցի ավելի արագ քայլել: Դա այն պահին էր, երբ հոգեբուժարանից տուն էինք գնում: Քայլերս ավելի ու ավելի արագացրի՝ մյուսներին հետևում թողնելով: Լալիս էի: Քաղաքին նայում էի այդ բարձր վայրերից, և պետք էր մեկը, որ կողքիս լիներ: Հասկացա, որ աշխարհում չկա մի մարդ, որ կուզենայի՝ մոտս լիներ: Այնքա՜ն միայնակ զգացի: Եվ ահա մի նոր փչացած ծննդյան օր: Ես կյանքիս մեջ միայն երկու անգամ եմ ծննդյանս օրն առանց արցունքների անցկացրել: Սա էլ բացառություն չէ: Զվարճանալու և կարևոր զգալու փոխարեն ստիպված եմ… Չգիտեմ՝ ինչ եմ անելու…..

the game has ended

ok, so let’s see what happened then…
Tatevik gave a correct answer to the second question as well. my second hint was… an autumn leaf with the word “hint” written with my own handwriting. i wrote a short message with the hint and i thought of a very hard question. i was with my neighbour when she gave the message to Tatevik and told her that she has 48 hours to answer. while she was talking to her, my pen pal was looking to me with a strange expression on her face. “maybe she thinks my face is familiar,” i thought. i was sure that she wouldn’t recognize me as she had seen me only in pics.
i didn’t receive the answer during those 48 hours. she has practices this week so my neighbour can’t find her in the uni. well, i have Tatevik’s phone number. i called her in the afternoon and told her that she must answer to the question til 10pm or i’ll send another question without a hint. i also asked her where are her practices. no, it wasn’t easy for me to get there. she told me that we could stop the game for a week. well, i didn’t tell her that i’m the one whose name she was going to guess. i’m sure she didn’t recognize my voice as she had never heard it before.
i heard the sound of my pager at 9:58pm. this is what i received:
thanks for the very interesting game. i thought it was you from the very beginning and your last hints made me sure about who you are. you’re Byurakn
so the game has ended. Tatevik won! can’t wait for her next letter to know how she guessed everything!

i can’t believe. i’m still 17 but i’ll become an adult in 6 days. are there going to be any changes in my life then? of course, nothing’s gonna change without my will. omg, i’m not going to be a child anymore so i have to think like an adult. oh, i’m tired of such things. how long will this take? 18 years don’t change anything. i’ve stopped being a child long ago. when did i become serious and when did i grow up? i can’t say it clearly. i think i was about 15 years old. well, i still act like a kid but i think like an adult, i’m more careful. it’s enough. i want to look at the world through pink glasses again. i want to act without thinking, i want to be mistaken again. but be lied again? cry again? i don’t want, i really don’t want. isn’t it easier like this? pretend that you’re a kid but be an adult inside. hm, but who told that i think like an adult? maybe it’s not like that at all. maybe i’m still a child, a big child…

the game has started

i forgoto to tell about what i decided to do with Tatevik. i decided to play a game with her. i wrote a letter and asked Maria to copy it so that Tatevik won’t recognize my handwriting. then i gave the letter to one of my neighbours which studies in the same uni. here’s the letter:
Hi.
i suggest you to play a game with me for making our lives more interesting. first of all i’d like to tell you that you know me, so you don’t need to worry. here are the rules of the game: you have to guess who am i. with every letter of mine you’ll get a hint about me and also one question. well, you’ll get the hint whenever you give a correct answer to my question. you have to send the answer to my pager in 24 hours from the moment you get the letter. [my pager number and how to send the message] if your answer is right, you’ll get a new question and a hint. if not, you’ll get only a question to which you have to answer in 24 hours. if you guess my name, you may send it to my pager too. but be careful! if you’re mistaken, i’ll stop the game and you’ll never know who am i. so don’t hurry.
as this is my first letter, i don’t send you a hint. here’s the question: [QUESTION]
good luck. if you have questions, you may send it on my pager as well.

she got this letter yesterday. the answer wasn’t late too. i received it in the evening. then i wrote a short message and gave to my neighbour to copy it, then to give it to Tatevik. i also gave the hint. it was a piece of paper that i cut from the newspaper of our uni. it was the pic of one of our buildings. let’s see what will happen…

there are no bad people in the world… i’m sure about it. they may steal, they may kill but they’re not bad at all. they may understand you, they may not. they may love you, they may hate you. but they’re not bad. they’re just different from you, they live a different life… it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. so i love everyone in this world. i don’t care what do they think about me…

the wooden box… i still remember it… i should have read the letters at least for revenge. my brother… how i hate him!!! how did he dare to open my diary and read some sentences? omg, he told my mum everything he read! no! well, some of the things he told were true but the others… he didn’t understand clearly and it was more like a lie. how could i prove that it was a lie? and the true part… i really didn’t want my mum to know it cuz it could hurt her. oh, how i love my mum!!! she closed the conversation as soon as she could. she was angry with my bro for reading my diary. well, it left me crying sitting near the comp. why? why? why? poor mum!!!

i hate my step-grandma… there was time that the only guy that called me was him. and also my step-grandma has seen me with him once. he asked about him today. how i hate! she asked in a way like isn’t he your bf anymore. it’s none of her business!!! however, i told her the truth: i don’t know what’s he doing now. yeah, a simple fact. i don’t know where is he. i don’t even care. all i know is that the time came… i was waiting for a long time for this moment. he doesn’t have any friends anymore. but i imagined a little bit different. i thought that i would still love him at that moment. no, i just don’t care. he deserves what he has or has not now.
err, i hope my step-grandma hasn’t seen me with my new love. i hate her stupid questions and gossips with neighbours.

starsailor

it was a long time i hadn’t heard starsailor. anna returned my cd today. i couldn’t wait so while we were at the bar, i asked the barman to play the cd.
while scott was singing tie up my hands, i was trying to remember what i was feeling then when i was listening to that song… what i was dreaming of… i was remembering a fairy-tale which had so bright colors but now… it has the dust of my past on it. it was long ago, sooooo long ago! starsailor can’t take me back there this time, it takes me towards my future, towards A. it took me over the ocean of past, where someone not knowing how to swim would sink. and starsailor repeated those old and forgotten words:
you’re just a poor misguided fool
…but starsailor could take no feelings, no tears from me. it just left a question hanging in the air: “why?”

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Կարուսել

Ոչ վե՛րջ կա, ոչ ըսկի՛զբ այս երգում

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