the wooden box

we had to paint the walls of my bro’s room so we moved his desk and bookshelves. i found 2 boxes on the top of a bookshelf. one of them was empty but the other… it was wooden. i found 2 cards there and papers. one of the cards was from my grandma and the other from Laima from B.I.S.P. i have such card too but from Laima’s sis, Daina. the papers were more interesting. those were the letters that my bro and the girl he loved wrote each other during classes. i didn’t read them as i understood what will my bro feel if he knows about it.
is there anything in my room that i wouldn’t like anyone to read them? the letters from my penpals and friends from all around the world (including yerevan)!!! no, no, most of them are not top secrets and also noone is really interested in them. i know it cuz once my bro tried to read Ani’s letter (a girl from Lori) but he read just 2 sentences and couldn’t go on more – it wasn’t interesting for him.
oh, my diaries!!! they interest everyone, especially my bro!!! i know it cuz i’ve seen him looking for them and several times he found and began to read aloud or silent!!!
ok, what if he finds such wooden box in my room? will he read everything that the box contains? oh, i’m sure he will!!! i know it cuz he did once. he was looking for something in my room (i hate when someone is looking for something in my room without asking me) and found the notebook of my poems and stories. he was making fun of them. it made me very-very angry so i hid the notebook somewhere that i can’t find now!!! or maybe someone has stolen it? but why? who needs my stupid poems? or maybe it’s my bro’s joke?
anyway, i wish i had a wooden box too and letters from/to someone i’ve loved…

had to wake up at 10am. damn. i was going to see Zara and she’s afraid of sun rays and also she can’t go out in the evenings. we walked a lot together (from Cascade to med uni, then to square of republic) and talked a lot. we were talking about my “fav” topic, hehe, armenian guys. i didn’t know Zara is so clever. she completely agrees that they are all stupid but some of them are more stupid, some are less stupid.
i came home at about 1pm and slept til 4:30pm. i could sleep more but i had promised my mum that i was going to do some housework. i turned on the music and began my work. how i hate!!! i do housework too rarely. poor mum. she works the whole day and then comes home and has to do housework too. good a woman comes and cleans the house once a week.
i wonder what am i going to do if i live alone. i imagine, my house is going to in a very big mess like my room. hehe, i’ve cleaned my room today and threw away too much rubbish. those were mostly draft papers that i was lazy to throw away. i was sick to look at them as i remembered many horrible tests/exams.
i wanted to go to the zoo today but maria wasn’t here yet and my bro was too lazy to join me so i didn’t go. ah, where is she? she promised she’d be here not later than the 25th. it’s the 27th already!!! or maybe she’s here but doesn’t want to call me…
oh, the 27th? omg, tomorrow is my friend’s wedding!!! she didn’t invite me though as she was going to invite relatives only. i can’t believe… Liana is getting married. another friend is gone. yeah, i lose my friends when they get married. why is it like that?:(

i’m a tourist

slept at 4am last night. we were playing card til that (me, my bro, Tsiala, my step-grandma’s nephew). i woke up at 3pm today. i took a bath and left the house. i wanted to see my city with tourist’s eyes that is here for a short time. i took some photos of some nice places, not very famous though. then i went to noyan tapan and bought some pens and a notebook. i also bought a postcard for AU’s next porstcard exchange. then i decided to have a little walk in abovyan street. i was looking at the buildings like i was seeing them for the first time in my life. they were beautiful. then i went back to the republic square. yeah, it was nice. i also saw some ugly things but still… that ugliness was a beauty too. my city is beautiful in its beauty and ugliness.
then i went to sfc and had an ice-cream. it was like i was somewhere far from yerevan, somewhere in europe. i was thinking there. when i had told my friend what we did last night, she had said: “isn’t real relationship with people better than virtual relationship?” i was thinking about it while i was licking my ice-cream. yeah, talking with people in real life is much better than talking with people from the other side of the world. but one more thing to say… i don’t meet with the people i want in real life. i meet them in my virtual life. why i don’t meet such people in my real life? why?
…it was almost 6pm. i went to ifes.

i went to uni today for 2 things. first, some of my friends told me that the new issue of our newspaper had to be published on the 21st so i went there to get an issue for me today. second, i wanted to know my time-table. i was with my friend who wanted to get a physiology book from the library. well, the time-table wasn’t ready. so was the newspaper. my friend got the book, and we went out. we wanted to go to the museum of sergey parajanov. we both didn’t know where is it exactly but at least i knew the address and the part of the town where it is. well, we took transport to get there. it was pretty hot. when we got there, i looked there, where i thought it must be. it was going to be a black building but hell, there were many black buildings!!! we went to a church called St. Sargis and asked the people who where in the yard. most of them didn’t know where is it but one kind man explained us and pointed the building. we went how he explained us to go but it wasn’t as easy as we thought. we could see the museum but there wasn’t a way of getting there. there were many other buildings in front of it and they were stuck to each other!!! we asked some people to explain us how to get there but, oh, they said they didn’t know there’s such museum behind the buildings!!!!
hehe, then we went to police with a very serious expressions on our faces. “what happened, girls?” asked a police. we told that we couldn’t get to the museum. he told us the secret!!! we had to go forward and then enter the 3rd entrance of that building(there was a tree near it). and then get out of it from the other side. so we were going to be there!!! yeah, we did exactly what he said and… we appeared in a very beautiful place. there was a valley and a river and many trees inside the valley. and the museum… it was a very beautiful building. then we bought tickets and went in the museum. yeah, Sergey Parajanov was a real genius!!! i wonder why i hadn’t discovered him before. i haven’t even seen any of his films!!!!
we went out very tired. so we had to get back. we were surprised to see how easy it was to get there from the side of the street. well, we took transport and went home then. i was very tired and thisrty that i bought a cold drink. when i got home, i drunk it at once and then fell asleep. i slept for about 3 hours but i’m really glad for this day. there are so many things i haven’t seen in my city!!! i’m gonna see most of them during this week, before school starts.
hey, where is maria? she was supposed to be in yerevan already!!!

painting day

yayayayay!!! i woke up at 11am though i went to sleep at 5am. i was supposed to wake up at 2pm…. but why couldn’t i sleep anymore? well, i didn’t try to stay in bed. i dressed up quickly and went to the post office. i had a letter from Tatevik (yay!). then i went to buy paints, brush and paper. i came home and began to write a letter to Tatevik. i love writing her letters!!! she’s an amazing writer and an amazing reader.
then i wanted to paint but my step-grandma’s nephew appeared and asked me to translate letters for him. oh, God, how i hate him!!!! it was quite much. well, i didn’t really care how i did the translation. i know it was awful. hey, but the letters were awful too. about 6 letters to 6 different people and all that you could read was: “you can’t imagine how much i love you and miss you.”
it was about 4pm when i started to paint. i love it!!! i finished the picture in 2 hours. man, i’ve never been so fast! well, the picture wasn’t a very good one… and now i’m gonna help my mum and bro with painting the walls then i’ll read a book:)


we were painting the walls of our kitchen today. i don’t know how it happened… i wanted to paint a picture suddenly. i haven’t done it for ages. weird… and it’s the end of my vacation. ok, i’ll buy paints, a brush and paper tomorrow and i’ll paint something. i’ll paint a sunset perhaps. i love it!!! or maybe i’ll paint my reverie or a memory… and i’ll listen to painter song by norah jones.
Painter Song

If I were a painter
I would paint my reverie
If that’s the only way for you to be with me

We’d be there together
Just like we used to be
Underneath the swirling skies for all to see

And I’m dreaming of a place
Where I could see your face
And I think my brush would take me there
But only….

If I were a painter
And could paint a memory
I’d climb inside the swirling skies to be with you

I’d climb inside the skies to be with you

i’m chatting with Lyov now. he told me about this poem posted in a forum. the author is B. Poghosyan. i loved the poem!

Tell The Tale

Tell the tale of a smile and the sun,
Would I change with the sun one your smile?
No sun and no moon, you’re the one,
But I failed, and that is my style.
Tell the tale of the man and a snow,
How the snow melts in hands of the man,
Like a dream, like a smole, like a love,
When a dream and a love are for fun.
Tell the tale of the wind and the clouds,
How the wind gathers clouds on my head,
How the clouds start a storm, cry so loud,
And in waves you’re the light to direct.
Tell the tale of the head and the heart,
How the head knew that you won’t be mine,
But the heart cut the head all apart,
And my love of my pain is a sign.
Здесь я пропущу, а то два листа идет.
Tell the tale of the touch I won’t have,
Of the kiss, that will never be mine,
Of the love, that was able to save,
But you never showed any sign.

Tell the tale of the flowers I picked,
Of the guilts now I’m punished for,
Now I’m down in the dust, hurt and kicked,
Now I’m much worse than I was before.
Tell the tale how I’m dying alone,
How my blood slowly dripps on the floor,
Broken heart, broken mind, broken stone,
All in mess, all in scars, nothing more.

Tell the tale, tell me another one,
I just need to hear your sweet voice,
How the world sometimes crashes down,
How my feelings, my dear, aren’t toys.
Tell the tale of the love and fate,
How my love in no fate could believe,
Tell the tale how a boy could not hate,
And a girl gave him strength just to live.

i want to forgive for the both of us

listening to this grudge acoustic version…
14 years 30 minutes 15 seconds I’ve held this grudge
11 songs 4 full journals, thoughts of punishment I’ve expended

…i sing with her. i think of all those years. well, not 14 but 4. anyway, it’s much for a 17-year-old.
not in contact not a letter such communication telepathic
you’ve been vilified, used as fodder, you deserve a piece of every record

he deserves… well, not a piece of every record (since i have no records) but a piece of every word that i’ve written for him.
but who’s it hurting now?
Who’s the one that’s stuck?
Who’s it torturing now, with an antique knot in her stomach

answer me!!!!! WHO’S IT HURTING NOW??? WHO’S THE ONE THAT’S STUCK??? don’t tell me, please, no!!! i know the answer, i know it.
I want to be big and let go of this grudge that’s grown old
All this time i’ve not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

i want, i want… i must but i can’t. i can’t… all i can is just forgiving for the both of us.
Like an abandoned house dusty-covered furniture still intact
If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it somehow gratuitous

But who’s still aching now?
Who’s tired of her own voice?
Who’s it weighing down with no gift from time of said healing

sing, Byurie, sing. maybe it’ll make you feel much better…
I want to be big and let go of this grudge that’s grown old
All this time i’ve not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us


anush (my friend from canada) is here. she knows my classmate gayaneh. well, gayaneh called me today and told me that she was going to go to a concert with anush and if i wanted, i could join them. yeah, i joined them and i don’t regret at all though the ticks were pretty expensive for a local band like reincarnation.
we were 15 minutes late. the concert had already started (unusual for armenian rock concerts!). we sat somewhere. there was a girl singing in the band. she was gayaneh’s friend. i had seen her long ago at gayaneh’s bday. maybe she didn’t remember me. well, she sang some country songs. then cranberries’ promises. then some songs written by the band. she was telling everyone to stand up and dance but nobody seemed to hear. well, when she began to sing cranberries’ zombie, i just jumped from my sit and went to dance crazily. she also sang some other cranberries songs (ode to my family, animal instinct, salvation, etc). and also she sang joan osborne’s one of us. wow!!! i was pretty happy to hear it. i sang along the song and jumped and danced crazily.
yeah, yeah, God is great
yeah, yeah, God is good

i was the only one who was dancing and i was pretty glad about it cuz there was so much space for me. i was also waiting that she’d sing some alanis songs too. ah, but soon she sang avril’s i’m with you. i hate it, I HATE IT!!!! some avrilish girls with straight hair and avril fashioned stood up and danced in a very avrilish way. they also danced while lerno (the vocalist) sang sk8er boi. oh, shit!!! and sk8er boi was the last song she sang. so no alanis!!! it made me very angry.
it was weird to see my cousin there with her friend. she never goes to rock concerts!!!
well, then began the concert with the real band members. it was cooooooool!!!! my cousin danced too. it was really funny. i’ve never imagined that she could drink beer, smoke cigarettes and dance!!!! well, to tell the truth, i don’t smoke either drink.
i came home at about 10pm. it was quite early for a rock concert.
…and now i think. it was a small club. i wish there was alanis instead of lerno on the stage. it would be AMAZING!!!!!

Autumn Melody

It’s Autumn, and raining-
The shadows, all waning,
Are shaking so drearily
Breaking so wearily:
It’s raining and raining,
While I feel a merciless pain in my heart,
So keen and so smart.
But away! Don’t come near,
I will not shed a tear
For the lights all forgotten,
For the plight quite forgotten:
They would tear me apart.
I know how will ache then,
I know how will break then
My desolate heart.

It’s Autumn, November-
Why do you remember,
My lecherous friend,
My treacherous friend?
Why do you remember?
You happened to know the world in the end,
World without end.
It’s the life you remember
And it’s luminous dreams,
But I am forgotten in a chilling obscurity,
And gone to the bottom.
It’s raining, and Autumn.

i wanted to read teryan… i wanted to drown into his poems so much!!!!! and here’s one of my favs – autumn melody. i love it…

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