diamonds and rust

i bought a joan baez cd today, then i went to cascade, i sat down, began to read a book and listen to joan. she had sung a few songs when i stopped the reading. the song that had just started sounded familiar. at first i thought i had heard it on the first cd of joan that i had. then i remembered. it was joan’s first song that i had ever heard. i remembered that while i listened to it on the radio, i recorded it on a tape. i must’ve kept it on one of my tapes, the first song of side B. I remembered alice. she worked in the radio. she was the one who had played it on the radio. i remembered paris where i was listening to joan’s first cd that i ever had. i remembered my grandma that liked joan’s voice. oh, she’s in paris again and didn’t take me with her :'(. and then i remembered that my dad has taken tmy first cd of joan baez and it’s in his house for ages. i decided to call him and ask to return the cd.

dark angel

…funny. i was again in that stupid chat and i was chatting with some people stupidly. but suddenly someone (his nick was dark_angel) began to ask things about my lj. then we talked about other things. he knew tori amos!!! an armenian guy knows tori amos!!! and he knows great expectations!!! and armenian guy knows that book!!!
what i like to do is to defeat guys but i couldn’t defeat this guy. he was different. i’m sure he’s different. he’s different because he’s armenian and i don’t hate him. i even like him a lot. so there is one guy in whole armenia that i like. but i really do like him… and i don’t even know his name…

i’m beginning to sort of hate my city.
a boring vacation… i didn’t want to stay at home this evening so i went to one of my fav places, the park of saryan. i read a little and wrote a little and then went to Cascade. i did the same there too but i found it sort of boring and decided to go to a music store and buy a joni mitchell cd. so i walked to my fav music store. a guy stopped me and asked if he could talk with me. ah, i know those guys. he’s not the first. they just want a date and then something more. i said no in a very angry voice and walked even faster. when i crossed the street and i was almost there, a middle-aged man stopped me and asked what time it was. i told him and then he said: “would you drink coffee with me?” “sorry, but i’m going to this music store,” i answered. then i just flew over the steps and entered the store. i was so nervous that i forgot what i was going to buy. i looked around at some cds. after a while the man enetered there. i was nervous, as i already told. then i remembered what i wanted and asked for joni mitchell but they didn’t have it. i asked some other things too just to make the man leave the store but he waited for me til i went out. i hurried a bit but he still reached me and asked to go to the nearest cafe. i said ok. i thought it’s going to be an open air cafe. but he took me to a very dark place for romantic meetings. then he began to touch my hands and then arms. that annoyed me. i said that i don’t feel well and went out. he followed me. i told him that i hated dark places. then i asked him how old he was. he told he’s 38 but i was sure he’s even older. then we walked a bit. i was lucky cuz i met my friend soon and while we hugged each other i whispered in her ear: “Lil, will you take me with you?” and she did. i said goodbye to that man.
…and now i’m very angry. why can’t i walk down the streets without those random meetings? oh, how i hate my city and how i hate the guys of yerevan!!! i can’t live here anymore. i give myself 2 years for staying here. then i’ll leave this country forever or perhaps i’ll visit here once in a while to see my family and some friends. one thing i know for sure. i can’t live here anymore.

Don’t ever tell anything to anybody…

…If you do, you start missing everybody.
With these 2 sentences ends the book. Sentences that are stuck in my head. i loved the book. i didn’t wait for such an end and that made the book even better. i hate to read such books when you guess the final when you’ve reached just the middle.
Don’t ever tell anything to anybody. If you do, you start missing everybody… I believe in those words. I think I’ve experienced them. Even before finishing the book, i was talking with my friend about someone we all loved much. and i felt like i missed him. i felt like i want to email him and i still want to. it’s just i haven’t emailed him for years and i dunno if his address is the same or not.
my dad has a good taste. i never regret when i read the books he recommends. and this one, the catcher in the rye, he gave me years ago but the book was lying on my desk for ages. very often my dad was asking me if i was reading the book or not. and i read it at last.
the next book i’m going to read is three comrades by erich maria remarque. my dad likes that one, too…

memories

memories… sometimes i think i live with them.
i saw one of my friends some days ago that i hadn’t seen for ages. it was nice to see her as always. she wasn’t a very close friend to me but i felt that she could be cuz we were very much alike. well, for the next few days we kept calling each other and meeting. i gave her some cds to copy. and of course, i remembered those wonderful days 4 years ago… the rock parties she organized. i’ve known her since 1998 but then she suddenly disappeared and we met again in 2000. it was kind of a funny meeting cuz we didn’t remember each other’s faces but a guy who knew both of us, helped us to recognize each other.
another memory… i was listening to tori amos and when mary started i remembered lieke. i remembered the summer 2 years ago. i wouldn’t say it was an amazing summer but there were things that didn’t make it the worst one. it was the year when i found AU… and my friends from AU. i remember how wonderful it was to chat with them on msn. and my AU family… how wonderful it was!!!! how i miss it!!!!
i was talking to another friend today. we talked about the crazy time we had before and how boring is life now…
…oh, those memories…

sunrise

i haven’t slept the whole night. i was waiting for sunrise. the sky becomes lighter and lighter. silence. the only things i hear are the tic-tack of my clock and the noise of a fly in my room. i wonder why isn’t the fly asleep. do flies sleep at all? i’ve never seen a sleeping fly.
the sunrise isn’t so beautiful today cuz there are no clouds. and i wanted to take a picture… of course, the sunrise of yerevan won’t be as amazing as the sunset of sevan but i hope it will deserve living forever as a picture.
i remember 2 years ago i had seen a purple sunrise and i remember that i had described it so beautiful. well, it was burnt with my diary. this time the sunrise is blue and it becomes white. it’s a pity. i was waiting for a miracle.

Sunrise, sunrise
Looks like morning in your eyes
But the clock’s held 9:15 for hours

Sunrise, sunrise
Couldn’t tempt us if it tried
‘Cause the afternoon’s already come and gone

armenian chats

i hate all those armenian chats. i always enter for fun but… only boys chat with me and all that they ask is: “how old are you? do you have a bf? will you send me your pic?” and i argue with all those guys. i don’t tell the truth. i tell like i’m 41 and i have a 22-year-old bf and all sort of other lies. another reason to hate armenian guys….

sunday evening

i had a great day today. i was with my best friends. we played many funny games together and listened to the music that we all like. i love them a lot…
and now i’m at home. i’m alone. nothing to do. it’s too boring. i don’t want to read.
it’s already a week that i’m back from Sevan. it’s already a week that i’m back to my so-called normal life. and i still miss those days and i still miss those people. i miss the sound of the lake. i miss the beautiful nights. i miss singing under the black sky covered by stars. i miss everything i’ve done there, everything i’ve felt, everything i’ve thought.
…my neighbour was here some minutes ago. he made me really angry. he came here to show off about his amazing comp and didn’t even understand that he was disturbing me cuz i was writing some things that i didn’t want him to see. and then he looked at my comp so carefully and sort of made fun of it cuz it’s a pretty old one. hehe, he doesn’t even understand that i love my comp the way it is and i don’t need to waste money on a new comp as i’m really satisfied with this one.

it was a wonderful day. i met with one of the girls from the camp. we lived in the same room and i really liked her. we had a very nice conversation today. then i went to one of my fav places in yerevan and read a book. i also listened to tori (i hadn’t done that for ages). the most wonderful thing is that i argued with a boy who was trying to tell me that the way i sat was a “wrong” way. hm, maybe i was too rude to him but i hate when strangers want to tell me what to do.
the disco was awesome too. there were about 10 people from the camp and also one of my best friends. i danced a lot. one thing worries me much. i don’t dance with the same pleasure as i used to before. it’s like i dance because it’s a place for dancing and not because i want to have fun. i never wanted to leave those places years ago but today i was looking at my watch too much.
ah, i came home and called Nonna. i told her that i hate armenian guys. yeah, i really do… is it me or are they really awful?
…and now i’m chatting with annie. i love chatting with her!

Նորից մենակ

Եղբորս հետ գնացի կինո: Հետո քայլեցինք դեպի Կասկադ: Նա գնաց ընկերների հետ խոսելու, իսկ ես նստեցի, որ մի քիչ գրեմ օրագրիս մեջ: Համեմատում էի իմ բոլոր ամառային արձակուրդները: Համոզված եմ, որ այս մեկը տարբերվում է մյուսներից:
Հետո անձրև եկավ: Որոշեցի տուն գնալ: Ճանապարհին անձրևի հոտը զգացի: Հիշեցի, որ տարիներ առաջ սիրում էի այն, իսկ հիմա հազիվ եմ նկատում: Հասա տուն: Ինքնապատասխանիչի վրա երկու հաղորդագրություն կար: Մեկը եղբորս ընկերն էր, մյուսը Անահիտ անունով մի աղջիկ էր, որի հետ ճամբարում էի ծանոթացել: Նա ասել էր, որ իրեն զանգեմ: Բլոկնոտս բացեցի ու նկատեցի, որ չունեմ համարը: Նկատեցի նաև, որ ճամբարում եղածներից միայն մի հոգու համար էի գրել: Որոշեցի զանգել նրան և Անահիտի համարն իմանալ: Պատասխանող չկար: Հետո զանգեցի Մարգարիտային: Նա էլ էր ճամբարում, և քանի որ համալսարանից էլ գիտեի նրան, համարն ունեի: Պատասխանող չկար: Որոշեցի զանգել Աիդային. նրա համարը հեշտ էր, և անգիր գիտեի: Ինքնապատասխանիչը պատասխանեց: Մեյլս ստուգեցի, բայց բոլորի համարներն ու էլեկտրոնային հասցեները պարունակող նամակը չկար: Մյուս մեյլերս էլ ստուգեցի, որ տեսնեմ որևէ մեկից նամակ կա, թե ոչ: Միայն երկու սփամ: Միացրի MSN-ը: Բոլոր ընկերներս օֆլայն էին կամ տեղում չէին:Աոլը միացրի, որպեսզի մորս հետ խոսեմ: Օնլայն չէր: Մտա ԱլանիսՈւտոպիա: Ձանձրալի էր: 21:25 էր: Հիշեցի, որ չաթից մի տղայի խոստացել էի զանգել: Նա տանը չէր: Ուրիշ ի՞նչ կարող էի անել: Բացեցի LJ-ս, որոշեցի այս ամենը գրի առնել և երաժշտություն լսել:

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