lonely thoughts

feeling of loneliness again but it’s a nice, a happy loneliness. i was walking down the streets again and i was all alone again. i saw some all friends who didn’t recognize me. that made me happy. i wanted to shout that i’m lonely but happy. i was walking and i felt that i love my city sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. i don’t want a bf anymore. i don’t want to love and be loved by someone. i want to run and write with my foot prints: “i’m lonely.”

after chemistry exam

at last… this day came at last. i have 15 days for a rest, 15 days for doing everything except from studying. 15 days of laziness… what am i going to do? perhaps i’ll read the books of my bookshelf that are waiting for me for ages. maybe i’ll see some of my friends that i haven’t seen since new year. i’ll walk down the streets of yerevan and feel it’s beauty and ugliness. i will wpend hours in music- and bookstores. i’ll sleep as much as i want. oh, i have so much to do…

snowy thoughts

i was waiting for that snow and it’s falling. it’s snowing calmly, it’s snowing sadly, it’s snowing slowly. it’s the same snow that whispered last year: “you’re uninvited.” it’s the same snow which will make the city white, which will clean and erase the past year and open the doors for the new one. on its white will be written: “2004.” then people will walk on it and make mud. then the snow will melt, get dry and leave us. then the spring will come and everybody will wake up and shine.
i was walking down the streets while it was snowing. i was covered by the cold-cold snow but i didn’t feel cold. it was warm inside me. and i was alone as always i am when it’s snowing with so big snow-flakes. i was looking at that flakes and remembering their song: “you’re uninvited.” i wanted to have someone nearto tell what the snow tells me and what i feel while the snow is next to me. alas, there was nobody around. i was alone in that fairy-tale. the fairy-tale was for me only, it was kissing me only. i was hearing new words from the lips of the sky. those words were everywhere – in the sky, in the air, in people’s throats, in my hair and inside myself. and the sky was repeating: “sometimes i hear my voice and it’s been here silent all these years.”
the real surprise was waiting for me. suddenly the snow-flakes became even more bigger. they were falling and falling. i was still walking and listening to tori. i was looking up and seeing a snow-flake infinity. i was smiling. i was happy. i loved everyone at that moment and i was ready to forgive everyone. and even if HE appeared in front of me at that moment, i was ready to forgive HIM and i was ready to jump into HIS arms. i wanted to lay down in the snow and close my eyes. then i’d feel the snow with my lips and with my eyelashes, i’d hear it’s voice, i’d feel it’s white coldness. i wanted to run, to hug the snow, to play with it’s flakes. and tori was everywhere even though i was the only who heard her…

it’s christmas today. i’ve decided to stop my homeworks for a while and have a great fun. and how am i having fun? i decided to make a christmas present for me (armenians get their presents in new year and not christmas!). i went to the music store and looked for some good cds. ah, there was nothing interesting. i’ll go to a book store soon. i hope i’ll find some interesting books about genetics. i have tons of books for reading during my holiday (it starts from the 22nd january, if i pass the exam). i haven’t read for a long time (except from the books that i must read for my studies).
well, before going to a music store i decided to come to this cyber cafe. i checked my mail and i was so sad to see that there were no new messages. has everyone forgotten me? maybe they’re still drunk after the new year and now they’re celebrating christmas (they have people to spend celebrate christmas with). anyway, i’ll have fun all alone. i’ll walk down the streets with my walkman and i’ll sing with alanis. everyone will look at me and think i’m crazy but i won’t care. maybe i’m crazy but it’s fun to be crazy, to be born crazy but not pretending to be crazy.
maybe i’ll meet some friends in the streets. i’ll say merry christmas and i’ll continue my walk. maybe i’ll dance and move my hair up and down.

new year

why do i hate this holiday so much??? this is armenians fav. holiday. what happens??? just the year changes. it’s good for me only for looking back and thinking about the past year. 2003… it was different from other years in many ways. i wonder if all those things happened only in one year, in 365 days. my life was turned upside down last year. i made many great friends, my best friend died, i went to prague (the city of the best part of y childhood), i finished high school, went to uni… so many things. can’t talk about all of them.


Ոչ վե՛րջ կա, ոչ ըսկի՛զբ այս երգում



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